


In The Shadows

by Blue_Night



Category: Football RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom!Manuel, Coming Untouched, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Running Away, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-25 16:28:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12536104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Night/pseuds/Blue_Night
Summary: Manuel and Thomas have been close friends for years, but this changes after the celebration of a title win. But just when they are finally alone in Thomas' hotel room, Manuel runs away from him without explanation. Will this incident ruin their friendhsip or will Manuel tell Thomas why he ran away before it's too late?





	1. Behind the Curtain

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [In the Headlights](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12274554) by [meggiewrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meggiewrites/pseuds/meggiewrites). 



> I can't believe that I am actually posting this, a story about Manuel and Thomas. As much as I adore Manuel as a goalkeeper, but I've never saw him as a character I would ever want to write about in a romantic way?! I should probably hide behind my couch for this, my only consolation is that these two are not only Bayern players, but also National Team players...
> 
> This story would definitely not exist without lovely Janie94's wonderful way of writing Manuel and Thomas, without her works, I would never have come to love these two as much as I am doing now. 
> 
> It would also not exist without meggiewrites' two really great stories 'In the Headlights' and 'No Loopholes'. These two stories were the final straw I needed to finally give writing Manuel a try, this two-chapter fic is inspired strongly by 'In the Headlights'.
> 
> The title of this story is also a song title, this time from the German band 'beyond the black' again, but I only realized that and how well it matches with 'In the Headlights' after I had chosen it. <33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manuel leaves Thomas without telling him the reason why he freaked out all of a sudden when they were about to have sex for the first time. What will happen when Thomas follows him into a special club to confront him and demand an explanation for his behavior?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wanted to make it a one-chapter story, but then decided to make two chapters out of it. The first one deals with Manu's fears and struggles with his secret desires and his public 'face' and appearance as a well-known and famous footballer.

The hammering beat of the music quietened to dull vibrations when the elevator doors shut behind them, and Manu found himself pressed against the wall next to the buttons of the lift panel by the smaller man with a low, ardent growl. Thomas' fascinating eyes were blown with a mixture of alcohol, adrenaline and pure lust, his features contorted to a grimace of predatory victory and desire.

Manu felt his throat go dry at the sight, his forced immobility caused by Thomas' surprisingly heavy body pinning him against the hard wall sending a thrill of anticipation down on his spine.

The taller one still could hardly believe that this was actually happening, that his secret desire and longing for his teammate and friend wasn't the hopeless one-sided thing he had thought it to be for more than one year.

Thomas was obviously not as opposed to coming closer to him as Manu had thought him to be, and his mind started to spin when warm lips pressed themselves against his mouth for the first time, the tip of a cheeky tongue demanding entrance to the soft cavern of his mouth with heated passion. He opened it for his younger teammate with a needy moan that would normally have embarrassed him, but this night wasn't a normal night at all, and Thomas only seemed to be spurred on by the sounds he was making, holding Manu's head in place with both hands to deepen their kiss in an almost rough way. Thomas' tongue was literally everywhere in his mouth as if it had every right to be there, licking and probing every spot within its reach.

Manu's head was spinning from the lack of air by the time the 'pling-pling' announced that they had reached the floor where Thomas' room was, and the goalie was grateful for the perhaps ten seconds they needed to cross the gloomy corridor to get to the right door where they would find the shelter and seclusion they needed for what they wanted to do.

Thomas pulled forcefully at his hand; and Manu stumbled into the dark room with another embarrassing sound, something between a high-pitched squeal and a startled hiss, his lust- and alcohol-fogged brain sobering a little bit when his gaze fell onto the large bed that seemed to be more a threat than a promise all of a sudden.

The younger man didn't notice his reluctance though, walking backwards with the older one in tow to let himself fall onto the mattress, his fingers wrapped firmly around Manu's wrist. Manuel lost his balance and followed him, rolling to the side in the last second to avoid crushing Thomas with his heavy weight.

Thomas snickered and pulled him back on top of him, his pupils only dark rounds as he gazed up at him from under halfway closed lids.

“Come one, loverboy, don't be shy now! I've waited so long for you finally showing me your fucking skills!” the smaller one whispered hoarsely against his lips, trying to kiss him again and get his hands under Manu's shirt at the same time. Manu almost instantly froze in place, staring down at Thomas with a shocked expression and a queasy feeling in his stomach. He swallowed hard, opening his mouth and closing it again when no sound came out, swallowing audibly and squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.

He couldn't do this, not this way and not with his best friend. It would destroy their friendship and ruin everything that had been between them if he stayed now, Manu knew that for sure. Thomas seemed to sense that something was wrong all of a sudden because he frowned, trying to pull his friend closer down while Manu was fighting to free himself from Thomas' grip with something akin to despair in the very same moment.

“Don't think so hard, Manu, what's wrong with you? I know that we both want it! We're for sure not the first footballers sleeping with each other,” Thomas murmured urgently, bucking his hips up against Manuel's crotch, hissing disappointedly when he found the taller man's desire fading under his touch.

Manuel cleared his throat, flinching at the cracking sound of his voice when he finally managed to grind out some words through gritted teeth:

“I'm sorry, Thomas, but this is all wrong and I simply can't do this, not like... not with you.”

Manu pulled his hand out of Thomas' loosening grasp, struggling back to his feet and running out of Thomas' hotel room as if his life depended on leaving his friend as fast as possible.

 

***

 

The surprisingly large room behind the thick curtain that separated the foyer from the actual club was as dark as Manu had hoped it would be, the dim light of the few red and violet lamps leaving most of it in the shadows.

The tall goalkeeper pulled at the hood covering his head to hide his face from prying eyes nonetheless as he gazed uncertainly around, his heart hammering in his throat and his blood drumming in his ears that loud that the sound almost drowned out the loud music.

The dance floor was empty except for a few figures swaying lazily around, the flickering red and violet shine of the spotlights making them look like some kind of aliens with too long limbs. Manu averted his eyes from the dancers again, he hadn't come here to dance but for something else after all.

The Bayern keeper made his way to one of the niches at the opposite wall without looking to the left or the right, not wanting to make eye-contact to one of the other guests too soon.

He could feel the appraising glances of two or three other guests upon his back, and he had to fight against the urge to pull his head between his shoulders and make himself look smaller than he actually was to not arouse too much attention he wasn't ready for yet.

The most famous German goalkeeper slumped down onto one of the plushy red chairs in the empty niche far away enough from the dance floor, looking down at the scratched wooden floor with unseeing eyes as he focused on calming his racing heartbeat and his harsh breathing down again. His posture literally screamed out loud that he wanted to be left alone, but he knew that this wouldn't keep others from hunting him down for too long. He had come here often enough to reveal his interest in this place and those visiting it quite clearly, and it wouldn't take long until the first hunter would make a move on him – something he craved and feared to the same extent.

Manuel had visited this special club a few times within the last two months – the first time three weeks after the incident with Thomas after the celebration of their last title win. He hadn't wanted to come here, hadn't wanted to give in to the overwhelming urge that had become stronger and stronger with every day that had passed until his head was pounding and he couldn't find sleep in the night for more than perhaps two hours any longer.

Manu actually hated and loathed himself for not being able to stay away from this place, a place where his weaknesses and carefully kept secrets became evident to everyone who might want to take a closer look at him.

He had fought so hard against the desires haunting him ever since he had felt the first stirring of his approaching adolescence, and he had pushed his needs back into the farthest corners of his heart and mind as best as he was able to do, ignoring the mockingly whispering voice that had become louder and louder until he couldn't hear any other sound anymore with grim despair.

The voice was everywhere in his head now and Manu still fought against it, but it was a hopeless undertaking, and he had watched himself climb into the taxi that would bring him to a lonely street a few hundred meters away from the club like a stranger without any control over his own actions.

“Hey lonesome! You look as if you could do with some company!”

The rather raspy sound of an unknown voice made him raise his head, careful to keep his face in the shadows until he was able to get a closer look at the other one.

The man standing before him was a little bit smaller than Manu but broadly built, arrogance and self-confidence oozing out of every pore of his impressively strong-muscled body. Manuel actually preferred a more slender build, but he knew that he couldn't allow himself to be too picky, and he was willing to give this one a try if he only proved himself trustworthy enough.

“Hey,” he mumbled uncertainly when he met the appraising glance of the other man, who might be a few years older than Manuel was, it was hard to tell in the darkness of his hidden niche. The unknown visitor had crossed his arms before his chest – most likely to show off his worked-out strong-muscled arms, and he stared down at him with myopic eyes, apparently too conceited to wear glasses. It was clear that he hadn't realized who he had just tried to hit on so far, something Manuel was actually grateful for as he regarded him more closely.

“Go hunting somewhere else, this one is already taken!”

Manuel had been so caught up in checking his counterpart out that he hadn't noticed the other man coming to his niche, but he didn't need to turn his head to know who he was, Manu knew for sure that he would always recognize this voice even if its owner would utter only one or two words instead of an entire sentence.

His head snapped up, and the hood fell from his head when he stared up at Thomas with wide eyes, his heart missing two beats before it started to race like a wild horse. Manu opened his mouth to speak, but only one single word came out, uttered with something akin to horror:

“Thomas!”

 

***

 

If someone would actually ask Manu later on how he had managed to follow Thomas out of the club and climb into his car, he couldn't have given them the answer to that question.

All he knew was that he was sitting slumped on the passenger seat a few minutes after Thomas had showed up in his niche, trying to keep his trembling under control when Thomas pulled out of the parking space to drive them through the dark night in total silence, ignoring the shivering man sitting next to him as he fixed his eyes on the road in front of them with his lips pressed to a thin line.

Manu's gaze darted furtively to the man beside him in the vain hope that he would catch a glimpse of what Thomas was thinking, but the younger one's face was an impassive mask, and the goalkeeper averted his eyes quickly again when Thomas briefly turned his head to return his glance with a blank expression.

Manuel knew Thomas as the cheerful teammate, passionate about football and their beloved club, and he had also always been a real good friend, open, always fair, attentive and understanding – at least until Manu had run like hell out of his hotel room without any explanation when he had asked him to show him his skills as a lover.

The taller one was well aware that he had fucked things up really bad with his panic attack. He had chosen to run away instead of talking to Thomas, probably having damaged their friendship beyond repair when he had treated Thomas like a random acquaintance he had seemingly wanted to fuck - just to change his mind in the very last minute again. Not to mention that he hadn't answered any of Thomas' many calls and messages, which had become less in numbers over the last couple of days – but not less in their urgency.

Manuel had also refused to talk to him the few times they had seen each other, pointedly turning his back on him whenever Thomas tried to approach him, hurting himself with his behavior as much as he had hurt Thomas with it. His friend and teammate would have deserved so much better, and Manu actually wanted to tell him the truth – he really did. But the mere thought of trying to explain himself to the younger man suffocated him every single damn time his fingers hovered over the screen of his smartphone to call Thomas, bereaving him of his voice and the last ounces of strength he was desperately clinging to with claws and teeth ever since this fateful moment in Thomas' hotel room.

Manuel didn't know what to make out of Thomas' demeanor as they drove through the night, but he had to admit that this new side of Thomas he hadn't known about before aroused him more than it probably should, sending shivers of need and arousal through his body.

The other man hadn't even tried to argue with Thomas, too impressed by his hard glare and proud and self-confident posture to do more than mumble something unintelligible and slowly backpedal again after shooting a reproachful glance in Manu's direction.

Thomas had watched the bulky stranger stroll over to the bar before looking over to where Manu had sat in his ridiculous plushy chair, just jerking his head in the direction of the exit without saying a single word.

Manuel had risen to his feet and hurried after his shorter teammate like a puppet on a string – Manu really didn't dare to call Thomas his friend at the moment - wondering how he had managed to walk without stumbling over his own feet because of his trembling.

His gaze wandered back to Thomas' figure partly hidden by the shadows of the early night, the road they were driving upon illuminated only by a few yellow lights every perhaps fifty meters. The rather gloomy shine of the street lamps traveled over Thomas' angular features with long and thin yellow fingers for a few seconds before darkness claimed the passenger compartment again, and Manuel felt his throat tightening when the younger one let the heavy silence stretch between them.

“How did you find me?” Manu finally dared to ask, unable to bear the uncertainty any longer.

Thomas took his time to turn into a smaller street to the right, slowing the car down until it came to a halt on a small parking lot belonging to a by night abandoned park. They were the only ones wanting to park here, no other car in sight, something Manuel should probably be grateful for - even though he almost wished that there would be another car parking as well.

Thomas killed the engine and took off his safety belt, but he didn't make any attempt to leave his car, just leaned against the driver's door to finally, finally look at Manuel. The large trees and bushes near their parking space threw their dark shadows over Thomas' features like a thick curtain, but the older one could see Thomas' eyes shining in his partly hidden face.

For a long moment, they just gazed at each other, and Manuel flinched when his teeth grazed his smooth bottom lip where the had unconsciously chewed on it.

“I wanted to talk to you after that night in my hotel room, Manuel,” Thomas started, using his full first name instead of his nickname. “I had just reached your driveway when I saw you climbing into a taxi like a thief in the night who didn't want to be seen. I followed the taxi to the street where you normally leave it and followed you to the club.” Thomas paused, considering Manuel without letting his thoughts show on his face.

Manu couldn't stand the intensive gaze any longer and looked down at his hands, which were trembling visibly. He entangled his fingers in his lap, hoping that the trembling would stop this way.

“Imagine my surprise when I found out what kind of club you were obviously so eager to visit, Neuer.” Manuel flinched at the use of his surname. It was apparently worse than he had thought and hoped that it actually was. Thomas had never addressed him with his surname when they had been alone with each other until this night.

“You stalked me?” Manuel croaked out in both, dismay and accusation, pulling a snort from the younger one. “No, I haven't stalked you, Manuel Neuer. I am worried about you! What do you think will happen if you keep visiting this club – if someone recognizes you and decides to use their knowledge to blackmail you?”

Manuel pulled his head between his shoulders and turned his head away in shame, and Thomas let out a sigh, reaching out for him but reluctantly drawing his hand back again without touching him in the end.

“When you freaked out in that night I thought at first that it was because I'm a man – that you had been carried away by the alcohol and adrenaline and that you had only realized what you were about to do when we were alone in my room. But your visits at this club speak against this explanation. Then I thought that it had been because you saw me as a friend only and didn't desire me enough to take things further between us.”

Manuel slumped down deeper into his seat, pulling his head between his shoulders again, trying to remember the last time he had felt as terrible as he did now.

“But this can't be the reason for your sudden panic attack either,” Thomas continued relentlessly when Manuel didn't say anything to his musings, “because I've seen the way you're looking at me when you think that no one will notice it too many times to believe you if you actually tried to tell me that you don't want me, Manu. I know that you do.” The younger man's voice had softened a little bit during his last sentence, and Manuel peered up at him for a split second.

Thomas waited for him to answer to this calm statement for a few more seconds, bracing his elbow against the backrest of his seat and resting his right cheek against his palm to make himself more comfortable as he regarded his captain closely.

“Talk to me, Manu, tell me what I've said or done to make you run away from me like that. You must tell me if I hurt or offended you – give me the chance to make it up with you. Please don't let it come between us, Manuel! Whatever it was, it happened when we both weren't really sober, and it's not worth risking our friendship!”

Manuel slowly raised his head, his short nails digging into his palms rhythmically with the shivers running through his body. “You didn't offend me, Thomas,” he said hoarsely, surprised that his voice was actually working. “You didn't do anything wrong. It's me who has been wrong.”

Thomas frowned in confusion. “What do you mean with that, Manu?”

Manuel swallowed. He knew that he had to tell Thomas the truth about himself at last, even though it would most likely do even greater damage to their friendship. But Thomas deserved honesty, and apart from that, the weight of his secrets was crushing him – choking him - so finally saying out loud what he actually was might help him to finally breathe properly again.

The older one took a deep breath and turned his head to stare out of the windscreen as he struggled to find the right words to begin his confession with. He owed Thomas the truth, but he'd rather not see Thomas' expression turn into a disgusted grimace when he told him what had made him run away from him; and he simply couldn't bring himself to face the younger man, not when his world was about to turn upside down, crushing all of his hopes and never being the same again after this night.

“I made a big mistake by giving you the impression that I am someone I'm actually not,” he started, pausing again. Fuck, this was so much harder than he had expected it to be. Why the hell couldn't he just tell Thomas the truth about his preferences without feeling like drowning in a dark see?

“You're speaking in riddles, Manuel. If you're trying to tell me that you're not gay, then let me tell you that it's not a big deal. You don't need to be gay to desire another man. You know that I've been with women before, and I did like it and had feelings for them. The same goes for the few men I have dated and been intimate with. I fall in love with a person, not with a gender. It's okay if it is the same for you.”

Manu blinked at this truly unusual and rather casual love declaration. He looked at Thomas from the corner of his eyes, not sure what to answer to that unexpected revelation. “Have you just told me that you are in love with me, Thommy?” he whispered after a moment of stunned silence.

Thomas hadn't moved, watching him still leaned against the driver's door with his cheek nestled in his palm. “Sure. What did ya think, Manu? That I would risk our friendship and our working relationship for an one night stand or some meaningless casual fucks?” Several emotions flickered over Thomas' handsome features. “I actually thought that you feel more than just desire for me as well, but I was apparently wrong with that. You wouldn't have gone to this club if you did, I guess.”

Manu grimaced at that. “I do feel more for you, Thomas. I'm in love with you too. It's just that I cannot give you what you want from me.”

“And what would that be, Manuel?” Thomas sounded slightly exasperated by now, even though his expression was still patient and calm.

Manuel bit his lips and balled his hands in his lap, steeling himself for Thomas' reaction. His eyes were stinging as he stared at the dark trees in front of him, and his throat hurt when he eventually blurted out:

“You asked me to show you my fucking skills, Thomas. But that's what I actually can't do - because being on top does nothing to me. I'm a bottom down to my bones, and nothing will ever change that!”


	2. In The Spotlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manuel has told Thomas the reason why he ran away. How will Thomas react to his confession? Will they have a happy ending or will Thomas laugh at Manuel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The topic this story is about is actually something I have written about for myself years ago, and which I wanted to write about again for a rather long time but somehow never did. It is also surely a topic a lot of young men struggle with when they realize that they are not like publicity considers 'real' men to be, not only professional sportsmen but surely a lot of other men as well.
> 
> The first chapter of this story hasn't gotten much feedback, so you probably either didn't like the way I'm writing Manuel and Thomas here or the topic itself, it is hard for me to tell, and I can only guess about the reason why so many users want to get a notification whenever I post a new chapter or a new work but don't want to support me actively and visibly with kudos and comments while doing that when it comes to other writers in this fandom.  
> Whatever it is keeping you from giving me something back for the time I spend with writing and posting for you, it really makes me sad and doubt my writing in general pretty much.  
> I feel rather unsure and discouraged because of your silence again, and this will most likely stay my first and last attempt in writing Neuller if this second chapter gets as little kudos and comments or maybe even less as the first one has gotten. :-(
> 
> This chapter has become much longer than I had first thought, it took me almost two days to write, and the end is rather cheesy, I guess. But I wanted to give Manuel something he can do for Thomas in return, and this seemed to be the best way to do it. I also mused about a compromise and letting Manuel agree to topping once in a while but decided against it, because it simply didn't feel right and like watering down Manuel's experiences and inner battles if I had done that.

Manuel didn't know what kind of reaction he had expected coming from Thomas after his big announcement, but surely not the quietly uttered question the younger man actually asked after what felt like an eternity but couldn't have been more than perhaps two seconds.

“And you couldn't have just told me that back then exactly why, Manuel?”

The goalkeeper gaped at him, stunned and speechless, his eyes searching for any sign of mockery, loathe or contempt in Thomas' face. The smaller one returned his confused gaze openly, apparently waiting for his friend to explain to him why him preferring to bottom was such a big deal for Manuel that he hadn't wanted to admit it back then but chosen to run away instead.

“Because I thought that you would laugh at me and mock me if I did,” Manuel eventually said, careful to keep his voice impassive. He didn't know what Thomas was up to, and he inhaled and exhaled slowly to get his breathing back under control.

“Why should I want to mock you or laugh at you for your personal preferences, Manu?” Thomas inquired calmly, his eyes fixed on Manuel's features. He hadn't moved, watching him attentively from where he sat in his corner of the car, his face still hidden partly by the dark shadows of the trees outside.

Manuel felt like sitting in the center of a bright spotlight, exposed and vulnerable, and he couldn't stand Thomas' silent scrutiny any longer and turned his head back to the windscreen again. His hands balled to tight fists of their own will, and he gritted his teeth to keep them from chattering against each other.

“That's pretty obvious, isn't it, Thomas?” he snorted bitterly. “I'm the 'big' Manuel Neuer – big in the real sense of the word and also in the literal sense of it. I'm Bayern's goalkeeper and their captain, and I am the captain of the German National Team most of the times I'm playing for our country. I'm the Alpha male, the big bad wolf, strong and self-confident and always cool, and men like people believe me to be are womanizer and definitely not gay. And if it should really happen that they are yet gay, then they are supposed to be the sort of gay men who always top and never bottom for another man. Men who prefer to bottom are just whiny sluts, ridiculous and only good for being mocked and laughed at!”

Manuel was totally out of breath when he went silent again after his self-ironical speech, not daring to look at the younger man. He was surprised that his eyes were dry, but he actually felt too numb and exhausted to cry.

“How could you possibly believe that I would laugh at you if you told me that you find it more pleasurable to bottom, Manuel?” Thomas asked disbelievingly, and he sounded hurt, taking a deep breath to say more to but snapping his mouth shut again when he realized the reason for Manuel's strange behavior.

“Fuck, this has happened to you before, with another man, I mean, hasn't it, Manu?”

Manuel nodded silently, staring down at his balled fists. There was a short moment when neither of them spoke, and the taller one flinched when he heard Thomas suddenly growling:

“I swear; if I'll ever meet this asshole, I will teach him a lesson he will never ever forget again!”

Manu shot him a cautious sidelong glance, and he swallowed when he saw Thomas' face. His friend had never looked like this before, at least Manuel had never seen this expression on his face before tonight. The younger one was glowing with red fury, and Manuel would actually have been truly scared if he hadn't known that Thomas' anger was not aimed at him but that his friend was so furious at his behalf. The smaller man stared at Manuel's bent head, his eyes shining in a dangerous and ice-cold blue, and his teeth were bared to an angry hiss as he apparently mused about the best way to teach the man who had hurt Manuel so much a thorough lesson he wouldn't forget again.

Thomas' expression softened instantly when he noticed that Manuel was looking at him, though, a tender smile spreading out on his handsome features. He reached out, offering his hand to his desperate and embarrassed friend. “Come here, Caps,” he said, his gentle order more a request than a real order. Manuel swallowed at the tender nickname Thomas normally only used after a lost game when Manuel felt really down and questioned his skills as the goalie and captain of their team. It was Thomas' way of showing him his deep respect and admiration, and Manuel crawled into his strong arms, a strangled sob escaping his lips.

Thomas embraced him carefully, pulling him close until Manuel was halfway sitting in his lap. Manuel gasped out when the fabric of his seat belt cut into his collarbone, and Thomas fumbled with the lock to unfasten Manuel's safety belt which the older man hadn't done before. Manuel let out a small protesting sound when he had to draw back from his friend to take the belt off, not wanting to miss his friend's warmth that chased the freezing cold in his bones away. He snuggled back against Thomas' lithe but strong frame instantly when the belt finally came off, burying his nose in the warm crook between Thomas' shoulder and his neck.

The younger man began to card his fingers through Manu's hair in a gentle and steady rhythm, his lips ghosting over the smooth skin of Manuel's temples right under his hairline.

“In this night, when we... I wanted you so badly, Thomas. I've been in love with you for longer than I can actually remember, but I would never have thought that you would ever return my feelings. I couldn't believe my luck when you asked me to come with you to your room. But when you... when you said that you wanted me to show you my... my...I – just freaked out. I was so afraid that you would laugh at me and loathe me if I told you that I...” Manuel couldn't finish his sentence, and Thomas sighed and pressed a tender kiss onto his forehead.

“I know and I'm so sorry, Manu, I really am. I didn't even mean it like this, not explicitly that is. I was tipsy and I couldn't believe my luck that you were finally there with me either. I was so happy that you had come with me, and I just said the first thing that came into my mind.  
I would never in a million years laugh at you or mock you for you trusting me enough to tell me your most private needs, Caps. I love you, I really, really love you, and even though I can't look into the future and tell for sure whether or not we will grow old together at this point, but one thing I can tell for sure, Manu: Nothing of what you're willing to share with me about your sexual preferences and desires will ever make me respect you any less than I actually do.  
Yes, I love you, but you're also my teammate, my captain and my friend, and nothing will ever change or diminish the admiration and respect I feel for you as the great footballer and captain of our teams you truly are. Nothing happening between us in bed will ever make me disrespect you or laugh at you when it comes to our friendship and our jobs, Manuel Neuer.”

Manuel was glad that he was already sitting because he didn't think that his legs would have supported his weight if he had stood in this moment, his knees buckling with utter relief and gratitude at Thomas' tender reassurance. He melted into his friend's protective embrace, eventually feeling brave enough to admit his fears and worries to the younger man.

“I've known that I prefer my own gender since I was twelve, and it has taken me years until I could call myself gay even only in my thoughts without getting physically sick at it. I of course had a girlfriend now and then because this was what everyone expected from me, but I always kept my distance to them, using my wish to become a professional footballer as an excuse for not coming too close to them. I stayed away from each boy and every man I found attractive because I feared that they would realize who and what I am, ruining my career if they did. I had my first encounter with another boy when I was seventeen, and nothing more than a few drunken kisses and some jerking off happened. After that, I was so scared that I didn't try it again until I was nineteen, and I behaved like a real asshole towards the poor boy.”

Manuel still felt deeply ashamed about how he had treated his schoolmate back then, and Thomas pulled him closer and pressed a gentle kiss onto his temples. The older one drew in a shaky breath.

“The next time was with a teammate of the second team from my old club. He was two years older than me and he had already made some experiences when it came to sleeping with another man. He was self-confident, kind and gentle, and he must have realized what I was the minute we met. We were some kind of together for a few months and he was my first man. It seemed to be natural to be the one bottoming because he was the more experienced one at first, and I didn't really worry about me enjoying it so much until he actually asked me to try it the other way round after several weeks.”

Manuel's voice cracked, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he struggled with the sudden rush of memories floating his mind. Thomas waited patiently for him to collect himself again, his arms tightening around Manuel's trembling back, and Manuel was deeply grateful for his silent understanding.

“It almost ended in a disaster, I really fucked it up. He broke off with me a couple of days after that night, and I was heartbroken for months. I was lovesick and I also didn't know how to deal with the revelation that I was one of those ridiculous creatures panting for having another man's dick in my ass instead of wanting to be the one doing the fucking myself. I was only nineteen, and I felt as if my world was ending because I would never be a real man – not in the way most people think a real man should be like at least.  
I needed a rather long time to merely think of trying it again after that, and the next time I trusted someone enough to tell him the truth about me was shortly before I transferred to Bayern München. He laughed at me and asked me whether or not I really considered myself to be a real man as the total bottom I was... I didn't even look at other men again afterwards, and when I fell in love with you, I resigned myself to the fate of staying alone at least until after the end of my career because I couldn't even imagine that you could ever love me back the same way I love you.”

Manuel flinched at his own harsh words, but it was such a relief to finally get it off his chest.

Thomas made a small noise against his hair, trailing soft kisses over his cold cheeks. There was another short span of silence between them before Thomas gently laid his fingers under Manuel's chin to make him raise his head. Manuel looked up at him, his eyes shimmering in a light gray because of the tears he didn't want to shed. He had cried enough about what he couldn't change anyway in the past, and he was so tired about being ashamed of his true self, so tired of having to pretend to be someone he actually wasn't at all.

Thomas smiled down at him, a tender smile full of love and admiration. “Your experiences with other men have truly been only horrible nightmares, and I am so sorry for that, Caps. But you are for sure a real man, Manuel Neuer, please don't you ever doubt that again. Wanting to bottom or giving yourself to another man will never make you less of the amazing man you actually are. None of the things you've trusted me enough to tell me will ever take the respect and the love and friendship I feel for you away from you. You will always be my admired captain, and nothing will ever change that. Please, let me show you how wonderful it can actually be to love another man.”

A cautious smile spread out on Manuel's features, and he felt hope blooming in his heart. It was only a tiny flame at this point, but it was there, the hope that he and Thomas might perhaps get the chance of saving their friendship and becoming more than friends in the future.

“Thank you, Thommy, this means more to me than I can tell you. I really want to give us a try, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to fulfill your expectations when it comes to what you want from me...” he whispered against Thomas' neck when the younger man pulled him close again.

“Yes, I know, Manu. I'm so sorry that my careless words have hurt you so much, giving you the feeling that I expect you to be someone you're not. I didn't even say them because I share those stupid prejudices other people have about men preferring to bottom. It's just that one of the reasons I've always liked about being together with another man is that I can experience both ways, that's all it was actually about.  
But I don't need to bottom to be fulfilled and satisfied, and I would never expect you to be the one on top if you don't want that, Manu. I actually like to top pretty much, and I won't miss anything as long as I know that you're happy. You're the man I am crazy in love with, and you are also my best friend. You being happy is what makes me happy, and I really don't want to change you. Please, give us a try, Caps, let me show you that I love you just the way you are and that you can be the man you want to be when you're together with me – as both, my friend and my boyfriend.”

Thomas' voice was hoarse with longing and desire, and Manuel raised his head to meet his hooded gaze, his smile lighting up the dark car.

“I would like that too. I'm crazy in love with you too, and I am so sorry for having run away instead of telling you the truth.”

“Don't be, Manu. I understand why you were so afraid of my reaction after all you've gone through. I can't undo the hurt those things have caused you, but I can show you that you don't have anything to fear in the future any longer. Please come home with me and let me show you how much I love and desire you – the real you, Manuel.”

Thomas bent forward to press a gentle kiss onto Manuel's salty lips, and the older one nodded and returned the kiss with a happy sigh.

“Yes, Thomas, let us go home and make it right this time.”

 

***

 

The silence between them on their way to Thomas' house was peaceful and filled with anticipation.

Manuel had spent so much time there that it had become his second home a long time ago, and he was actually glad that Thomas had decided to drive them to his own house and not to Manuel's place.

They started to kiss the minute the door closed behind them, both of them driven by a hunger that went so much deeper than simple physical desire could ever do. Thomas used the stairs leading upwards to compensate the slight height difference between them when they kissed on their way to his bedroom, climbing them backwards with Manu in his arms, their snicker about their clumsiness as they bumped against the railing and the wall several times tickling at Manu's already tingling lips.

Thomas' tongue was everywhere in his mouth again, claiming what was his ever since Manuel had looked into his beautiful eyes for the very first time, falling hopelessly for the younger man with the cheerful nature and the kind heart right at first sight.

“Love you, handsome, want you so much!” Thomas whispered into his mouth, cupping Manuel's face with both hands as he deepened their kiss when he had reached the upper floor where his bedroom was. They stood like this for a moment, impatient hands fumbling with fastenings, buttons and zippers to get rid of the offending garment that kept them from touching smooth and warm fragrant skin.

They were already naked except for their shorts by the time they finally reached Thomas' bedroom a few minutes later, and Manuel's head was spinning from the lack of air because of their passionate kisses and his overwhelming need and desire for the other man.

Thomas stopped before his bed, his eyes blown with his own forceful desire for the taller one. “Tell me what you need, handsome. Tell me how you want me to make you happy. You'll never have to fear that I will laugh at you for how you want us to be together.”

Thomas looked so sincere as he asked him to trust him and tell him what he needed, and Manuel felt the last shreds of uncertainty fade away when he looked down at him, butterflies clapping their wings excitedly deep in his belly. Thomas was so beautiful in his arousal, his pale skin flushed with desire, his eyes dark with longing and love and his proud erection tenting his shorts. Manuel could hardly wait to feel Thomas' hard cock deep inside him, to feel the man he desired so much filling the emptiness that had been his companion for so long.

He licked over his swollen lips and cleared his throat, huskiness as he spoke giving his own need away so clearly. “I want you to take me from behind – when I'm on all fours," he mumbled, still a little embarrassed that being taken in a position others would perhaps consider some kind of humiliation gave him so much pleasure. Thomas' eyes lit up at that, and he pressed another hard and ardent kiss onto Manu's swollen lips.

“I'll better get a towel for us then,” he whispered, stroking Manuel's heated face with his thumb. “I'll be back in a second, handsome.” He didn't tell Manuel not to run away, and the older one was grateful that Thomas didn't do that, watching him disappear behind the door to the adjoining bathroom just to emerge on the threshold again only three seconds later.

Thomas came back to him with passionately glowing eyes, and a shiver of raw need wrecked Manuel's body when the smaller man slowly glided closer like a beautiful big cat creeping up on its prey.

 

***

 

After several more heated and messy opened-mouth kisses, Manuel found himself kneeling on all fours in the middle of Thomas' large and cozy bed, bereft of his last piece of clothing, throbbing and achingly hard with painful desire. Thomas climbed onto the bed behind him, re-positioning him over the towel until he was satisfied with his handywork and ready for action.

The younger man bent forward to take the items they would need for what they wanted to do from the nightstand, and Manuel licked over his dry lips as another shiver ran down on his spine. He had dreamed of Thomas taking him like this almost every night over the last weeks, and his mind was clouded with lust even though nothing except for kissing and a little bit of stroking had happened so far.

Manuel craned his neck to look over his shoulder, and the sight of Thomas being all hard and ready for him made his own cock twitch against his sweaty abs. Thomas' hungry eyes roamed over Manuel's broad frame, caressing his round butt cheeks and his strong-muscled thighs. His expression was still the expression of the fierce predator Thomas had been ever since they had entered his house, taking the lead and giving Manuel the feeling of being desired and wanted like no other man had been able to make him feel until that night.

Manuel watched him opening the bottle with the lube to coat his fingers with, and the older one cleared his throat, his greedy eyes fixed on Thomas' impressive length. “Can you please take me without preparation?” he murmured uncertainly, his need to feel Thomas filling him so strong that he feared that he would lose his mind if the younger man didn't take him any time soon.

Thomas hesitated, tilting his head to the side as he regarded Manuel closely. “Are you sure, Manu? It's been a while for you if I've understood you correctly. I don't want to hurt you.”

Manuel nodded, swallowing desperately. “I am sure. Please...”

The younger man exhaled with a sigh, crawling beside Manuel to kiss him tenderly. “You will tell me in case that I'll hurt you by accident, handsome.”

Manuel nodded again, relief making his knees buckle. “I promise.”

“Okay, if this is what you really want handsome. Do you need me to jerk you off when I take you?”

Manuel shook his head. “No, I can come without being touched at my cock. Just fuck me, please.” There had been times when he had been ashamed of coming hard from just being fucked through the mattress, but Thomas' loving gaze and the way he stroked over his bruised lips with his thumb assured Manuel that there was nothing he needed to be ashamed of.

“Very well. This is all about you, about you and me making love until both of us will be satisfied, and we'll do it the way you need it, Manu,” Thomas whispered tenderly, kissing him once more before kneeling behind him again.

Manuel braced his weight on his forearms and spread his legs wider to make it easier for Thomas, the ache in his groin increasing with every second that passed. He listened to the quiet sounds the small package made when Thomas ripped it open, and Manu closed his eyes when more noises told him that the younger one was rolling the rubber over his hard cock and lining himself up. The tip of his own aroused dick was already slick with his desire for the other man, smearing small creamy droplets against his worked-out abs and leaking onto the towel Thomas had laid out underneath him to protect the sheets.

“You're so beautiful, handsome, you have no idea how badly I've longed to see you like this, spread out before me and so ready to be taken! Your sweet little hole is already gaping so nicely for me,” Thomas whispered into his ear as he now leaned in to push into Manu's secret core, slowly breaching the quivering ring muscle.

Manu mewled with the sensation, a heavy shudder wrecking his frame. “Ah, you really want me that bad, don't you, handsome?” Thomas' voice had dropped to a low purr, pleased and smooth and warm, a voice that sent more shivers through Manuel's trembling body.

“Yes, I do. Please, Thomas, take me! Please!” he mewled when Thomas unexpectedly stopped in the middle of his thrust all of a sudden, the engorged head of his manhood pulsing slightly against Manuel's cramping walls.

“I will, handsome, hush. I will give you what you need, I promise you. I just need a moment, you're so incredibly tight. You feel so good around me, babe, and I really don't want to fuck this up and come too soon. I would never forgive myself for leaving you unsatisfied, Manu.”

Manuel felt deeply touched by Thomas' husky confession that he was nervous about their first time as well, and he did his best to relax as much as he could, but being so close to the man he loved so much was overwhelming, and a small whimper escaped his swollen lips, a sound that contained a world of need and painful desire.

“You're amazing, Caps, so amazing. There are no words to describe how perfect you feel around me, how tight and hot and smooth and wonderful. I will make you feel good, handsome, I will fuck your sweet little hole like you've dreamed of every night, and I will make you scream my name when you come!”

Thomas began to move again, sheathing himself to the hilt into Manuel's hot channel with one single fluent move. Both men gasped out when he was buried fully inside him, and Manuel arched his back into the younger man's next thrust.

Thomas growled, pressing his left palm onto Manuel's back between his shoulder-blades to keep him down, his right hand taking Manuel's hip into a tight grip. “You're mine, Manuel, only mine to touch, mine to kiss and mine to take. Promise me that you will never go to this club again!”

Manuel howled when the younger man pulled almost completely out of him, just to shove his hard cock back into his tight passage again, so deep that his heavy balls were pressing against Manu's butt cheeks. “Promise me!”

Thomas' voice was harsh and rough with desire and lust, but also with anger about the risk Manuel had taken when he had gone there.

“I won't go there again, I promise you. Thomas, please, take me!” Manuel's desperate scream echoed in the cool air of Thomas' bedroom and his lover chuckled, a throaty sound that went straight into Manuel's groin. “Your wish is my command, babe.”

His fingers were clawing and clutching the towel and the sheets underneath when Thomas started to fuck him in earnest, setting up a rather hard and fast pace, just like Manuel needed it in his painful arousal.

Their groans and grunts filled the air, the obscene noises of wet skin slapping against wet skin as Thomas fucked him thoroughly and relentlessly boosting the pleasure each and every hard thrust made Manuel feel. Thomas' hand was still pressing him down, keeping him at his complete mercy, and Manuel's desire rose to unknown high levels, the toe-curling sensations of the younger man hitting his prostate every time he thrust into him pulling loud mewls and moans from him.

“Just like that, handsome, make noise for me. I want to hear you properly,” Thomas encouraged him with another throaty snicker, and Manuel mewled again, his twitching cock growing longer and harder with his approaching orgasm. Fire burnt in every cell of his body, the flames of his breathtaking lust licking at the end of his spine. His walls cramped and pulsed in the attempt to swallow Thomas' hard cock deeper and deeper, his balls aching with the need to shoot their load.

“You're so close, babe, I can feel how close you are, so ready to come for me just from my hard cock fucking you so nicely. Let me hear you, handsome, show me how much you love having my thick cock in your sweet ass!” Thomas' hoarse words were the last push Manuel needed to fall over the edge, his entire body jerking with the first hot wave of pure and painful ecstasy washing over him. He threw his head back when his climax overtook him, his eyes squeezed shut and his face flushed red, opening his mouth to voice his pleasure with a loud scream of ecstasy.

“Thomas, Thomas, ooooh, Thomas!”

Manuel had hardly any breath left to shout Thomas' name as he spurted his release against his abdomen and all over the towel, everything inside him clenching with lust and raw pleasure. Wave after wave followed the first one, and Manuel sobbed and groaned and panted his way through the longest and most intensive orgasm he had ever experienced, shaking in Thomas' hard grip.

“Ah yes, give it to me, babe, give it all to me. You're so amazing, and you're for sure a real man, no woman could ever make me feel what you make me feel, Manu. You look and smell like a real man, you sound like a real man, and you feel like a real man. Come on, handsome, give it all to me and show me that I'm the only one you truly want!”

Manuel was vaguely aware of Thomas whispering words of love and adoration against his back, dabbing hot kisses onto his shoulders and his neck. The younger man went rigid behind him just when his own climax subsided, pushing into him with one last hard thrust, and Manuel could feel him spurting into the rubber as he shuddered through his own release.

“Love you, handsome,” Thomas whispered when he was finally spent, bending forward and embracing him tightly. They stayed like this for a moment before the younger man slowly and carefully pulled out of him, and Manuel dropped down onto the bed with a small sob of utter satisfaction. He rolled to the side to not lie in the puddle of his own come, watching drowsily Thomas pulling at the towel and using it to clean both of the up before throwing it onto the floor before the bed.

For a while they just lay there side by side, facing each other, their fingers loosely entangled between their heaving chests.

“That was wow, just wow, handsome.” Thomas smiled at him, lifting Manuel's hand to his mouth to press a gentle kiss onto his fingers.

“Yes, it was. I didn't know that it can actually be like this,” Manuel said, his voice filled with wonder and astonishment. “But are you really sure that this will be enough for you? I could try and be the one on top once in a while if you want me to be, I guess.”

Thomas' eyes were dark with tenderness when he looked at him. “Only if you want that too, Caps. I was serious when I said that I don't need it. I could never enjoy something you don't like, and your happiness is all I need to be happy as well, please believe me in that.”

Manuel closed his eyes, his throat tight with emotion and gratitude. “Thank you, Thommy. You're the first one giving me the feeling that I am right the way I am. That I don't need to change and become someone I am not. That I don't need to be ashamed of who I am.”

“You are right and perfect the way you are, Manu, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.” Thomas kissed him, and Manuel pulled him close and kissed him back, their tongues dancing playfully around each other now that they were sated and the fire of their desire quenched.

“There is something else you can do for me though,” Thomas said quietly when they parted again, and he sounded surprisingly subdued all of a sudden. Manuel smiled at him, and he was grateful that Thomas was willing to share his own uncertainties with him. Their relationship wouldn't work without them being equals and finding the right balance, and he reached out to stroke Thomas' cheek.

“Whatever it is, love,” he said, and Thomas sighed and snuggled close to him. “I love to spoon after making love and fall asleep this way. But I need you to be my big spoon and I need to face the door. I feel uncomfortable if I can't see the door and sleep with my back against the wall or without someone covering it,” Thomas murmured, chewing on his lip.

Manuel nodded encouragingly and gently squeezed his fingers to make him continue with his story.

“It's always a problem if I have to share a room with a teammate who wants to have the bed next to the door as well. I've once spent two weeks on a farm with my parents when I was still rather small, and I had to take the bed at the wrong side and where I couldn't see the door because I prefer to sleep on one side only.  
In the middle of the night, I had a bad dream just before one of the cats that lived on this farm sneaked into the room and jumped my back to sleep in my bed. I woke up with a loud scream, and everyone was mad at me because I had woken them up as well. I still can't sleep undisturbed if I can't face the door or have to be the big spoon with my back being uncovered then...”

A hot wave of tenderness shot through Manuel when Thomas went silent and looked sheepishly at him, and he kissed him again, laying all of the love he felt for the younger man into his kiss.

“I will gladly be your big spoon whenever you need me to be it, love. I prefer to be the big spoon because of my size as well, and I will always cover your back. I can sleep on both sides, so there won't be any problems when we're sleeping together in the same bed.”

“I love you so very much, you know that, Manu, don't you?” Thomas murmured against his lips, and Manu kissed him again, gently turning the younger man around in his arms until they were both lying comfortably on their sides and facing the door. “Yes, I know, Thommy, I love you too.”

Thomas cuddled up against his broad chest with a small happy sigh, and Manuel pulled the blankets over their naked bodies and wrapped his arm protectively around Thomas' midsection.

“Sleep tight, handsome,” Thomas wished him goodnight in a sleepy voice, and Manuel closed his eyes, his nose nestled against the thick mop of fragrant light-brown hair.

“Goodnight, love,” he whispered tenderly, listening to Thomas' quickly calming breathing until he finally fell asleep to the soft and steady sounds with a small smile on his face, dreaming of a happy future with the man who had shown him that being his true self was nothing Manuel ever needed to be ashamed of again.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and comments, I would be so grateful for your visible and active support and approval of my first Neuller story! <33


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